Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’

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Death and Self-Mastery

October 19, 2008

Sitting on the Edge

July 2007

The Universe is a funny thing… how it always nudges us to push outside of our comfort zone and claim ourselves.  I have a friend who has been one of my closest friends for the past several years and has also been helping me with my awakening process.   When he was twelve years old, he had his first Enlightenment experience and says he has never had the leisure of not knowing what he is.  Recently, he told me to find a teacher who I can share a physical presence with because we have never met each other and it is not known when and if we will ever meet in person.

Since he told me this a few months ago, I have been sort of passively seeking a Master who is in closer proximity to me whose level of awareness is more expanded than my own.  The funny thing is, the more I seek, the more I find that I am the teacher I seek.  I have met with two “Masters” recently and am finding that it’s not easy finding someone who can remain present and teach from a place where one remains true to ones Self-realization.  I have no prejudices with regards to spiritual tradition because they all meet in the middle, the point from where all else emanates.  My awareness is such that I can see that place where all traditions come together so the tradition is not important to me, it is the awareness of the teacher.

Perhaps the expectation of followers is low when placed on a pedestal and called “master.”  Perhaps when teaching for a large organization, it just becomes a given that nobody has the same level of awareness as you do so you lose your edge and allow yourself to lose your presence.  Perhaps it is true that one must teach concepts in the illusion in order for people to shed them… but this seems convoluted to me.  Perhaps I am meeting with these people and coming up disappointed because my frustration is directed at myself and it is time for me to claim my own Self-mastery and stop seeking someone to hold my hand.  I don’t know what the reason might be or if there is a reason at all for my frustration.   I seem to be having difficulty finding someone who can be present with me and teach me from a higher level of awareness than myself… but of course that’s it, isn’t it?  My Self is the same Self as any “master” or anyone else who might teach me.

The more I find myself rubbing elbows with these “masters” the more I walk away disappointed and I feel that only I have my truth and only I can give it to me.   Of course, what better way for me to claim my own Self-Mastery than to meet with other Masters who disappoint and force me to go back and rely on My Self?  Maybe they are Masters after all… the perceived inconsistencies always lead me back to Self-reliance and claiming my own truth.  Maybe they are being present with me and that is their role.  Maybe the frustration I feel is that I no longer need a teacher and it is time I truly stepped into the role of the Master.

The fears step in and tell me I must have credentials or I must sit at the feet of a guru before being given that honor of being called “Self-Realized” but not everyone has done that… look at the Buddha.

Ego-death is very real… as real as any death… but when you have the courage to fully claim your Self and rely on your own presence, there is nothing more liberating because you know it is all YOU and that presence of you is infinite and limitless.  It also seems to be a constant process of letting go and surrendering everything you think you are so that you may know what you truly are.

Uncovering the Divine Within - cover

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Kerri Kannan lives in the NY Capitol region, is a single mother of two girls, a motivational speaker, empowerment mentor, host for Aware Talk Radio and Worldawakened Radio and the author of Uncovering the Divine Within – A Journey of Self-Love.   To preview the inside of her book, click on the book image and it will direct you to a preview of the contents.

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