Posts Tagged ‘compromise’

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Love is Freedom

October 26, 2008

I’ve been having discussions with some friends in a spiritual forum and the topic of being in a committed relationship versus a non-attached (or non-committed if you prefer) relationship came up. I guess the idea has been in the air for a while, and I noticed it first in my other blog, World Awakened with a submission by Phil Beaumont, called Come Empty and then another article I posted, called The Honeymoon that Never Ends that was written by Osho.

There is much confusion around the idea of non-attachment based relationships.  We generally feel that we need to have someone with us to help fulfill our needs and emotional security.  We then compromise ourselves because we feel that what the other person is offering holds more value than the freedom from attachments and expectations.

Below is a response I have written to a thread reagarding relationships and why people will often hear me say that Love is Freedom.

I perceive the more space one allows in any relationship, the more freedom to allow ourselves and the other to “BE” and the more we actually create a deeper bond.  Freedom in love is not based on attachments and obligations, but based on an appreciation for freedom that space allows.  The relationship may shift and morph and change into different expressions, but there seems to be more incentive to actually grow together and a willingness to be completely open and honest and transparent… because there is nothing to “lose.”   In non-attachment, the ability to be totally honest and open is even MORE present (at least for me) because I am in relationship for my Growth and I have a partner who reflects that for me in an intimate way.  If I feel I can be completely honest with someone and they are open to that, it is a far greater gift than being in a “committed” relationship where vows and contracts are made.  Being in a “committed” relationship feels more to me like (and I may be a bit jaded here) it is an ending or a closing off of love and there is a greater chance of taking it for granted and no actual growth or honesty or openness is required because it is a “done deal.”

Being in a non-attached or non-committed relationship allows me to push beyond my boundaries and be completely honest with myself in a way a committed relationship doesn’t allow.  One is a done deal and I feel like I am confined in a box and it confines Life, the other feels like I am in a relationship with Life itself and my partner is there to help me see aspects of myself that I would not have seen without him.  It is taken moment by moment which allows for little surprises and a freshness that the other does not.

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